Santa Claus may be jolly, but comedian and actress Mary Beth Barone is here to argue he’s also absolutely ripped. Revisiting centuries of holiday folklore with a gym-minded eye, Barone has introduced a bold new theory: Santa isn’t soft. He’s swole.
Her logic? A relentless overnight workload, nonstop lifting, international travel, chimney climbs, and a steady diet that famously includes plenty of milk. According to Barone, that belly under the red suit isn’t round, it’s earned.
“He’s running the biggest overnight operation on Earth,” Barone said. “Flying globally, hauling gifts, climbing chimneys, chugging milk and somehow we think he’s out of shape? No. This is a very strong man in festive camouflage.”
To put the theory to the test, Barone teamed up with Milk to launch the first-ever Swole Santa Contest, bringing a lineup of Santas to Brooklyn on December 13 to uncover the true physical form of the holiday icon.
Contestants showed up in full Santa gear and were put through a series of strength, stamina, and holiday-themed challenges, including timed planks, a milk-chug challenge, and a high-intensity sack race that turned Santa’s signature accessory into a competitive sport. The event proved that delivering gifts is no joke and neither is looking good in a suit that tight.
Presiding over the festivities with equal parts humor and authority, Barone ultimately crowned not one but two winners: N8 Royster of Brooklyn and Phil Montana of Sound Beach, New York, naming them the 2025 Swole Santa Champions.
The winners walked away with custom sashes, a ceremonial “gallon of milk” check, and the bragging rights that come with redefining Santa’s physique for a new era.
The event served as a live-action extension of Barone’s ongoing commentary on Santa and milk, reinforcing the idea that milk isn’t just for cookies, it’s part of what builds legends. Take a look below:
REELated:
Benedict Cumberbatch turns real Amazon reviews into holiday gold
